TIRED OF IT ALL [insert emo rant here]

So I haven't made any new posts for a week or so... Sorry about that.

The thing is... I'm tired. I'm just tired of this monotonous life. Sick of the routine. No.... actually, it's deeper than that. I've been doing a lot of thinking on where I am in life right now. I've just realized that all the shit I deal with is stopping me from looking forward to my future. I've tried to build this strong independent attitude in order to protect myself from what's to come, and it really isn't working. I don't know what to do anymore.


Let's break it down like this: Ever since I was little, I've had this idea of what my future was going to be like. I wanted to fall in love, get married, have/adopt kids, and have the support and love of my family and friends throughout my life. Obviously that's not likely to happen. I realized that I've just distanced myself from my family and relatives, and everything that is Christian around me. I don't know if that's the right step to take but I can't help it. I've told myself time and again that all I need is me, myself, and I. That as long as I am firm in who I am everything will be okay. And it's helped a lot... I am more confident, strong, and brave than ever before, but I feel like it's not enough. I love my friends to death, they are like a treasure for me :) Even so, none of them can heal the wounds I still have.  I just want someone to come and tell me that they love me no matter what and that everything will be alright. I've never heard that from my parents. I haven't heard it from their God either. I don't want to believe in a God that judges people and sends them to Hell for eternity. I want a God that loves me and accepts me for who I am, and there is no God like that. I used to truly believe in God. It's sad but I will never be a Christian again. Christianity is what killed my relationship with my family and made me despise myself for years. I hate it. I just hate organized religion in general. It's pointless. No one knows if there's a God or not, and if there is... it's surely not some hateful god like the one Christians worship.

So I don't keep in contact with any of my relatives in Argentina. I avoid talking to most people at church. I don't even feel like I belong in my family anymore. It's sad. Today I had a dream in which I was living alone. And it felt real. I felt that deep solitude which I am no stranger to. And I've looked forward to being on my own for so long, but it's not really anything to look forward to.

I hate loneliness. When I was little in that hell-hole called Argentina loneliness was all I knew. I had no friends and had no self-esteem (neither did my brothers and they're just as fucked up as I am). I always felt like my parents were weak and couldn't do anything to help me. I often had dreams that they were gonna die. Sometimes, that feeling of loneliness comes back to haunt me. Like when I went on my geology field trip and I didn't know anyone.

Haha ANYWAY....

I know my life will be hard. I just wish I could find some source of motivation... something to look forward to. Something that will drive me to do my best.

Damn, I need a psychologist...



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HAPPY NATIONAL COMING OUT DAY!

Today is National Coming Out Day! Who have you come out to today?

As for me, I haven't come out to anyone in a while. The last person I came out to was a good friend of mine who is bisexual. I would have come out on Facebook if I didn't have church friends in there. So I guess I'm only out to my terrible parents and most of my friends. My two brothers.... well I can't say they don't suspect that I'm gay but they just never brought it up. But my dad told me that my older brother had asked him if I was asexual. WTF. Oh yeah, cuz there's SOOO many asexuals out there! Or maybe I'm pansexual! Like, come on! As if it wasn't obvious! I don't plan on coming out to them until I'm well on my own. I don't want to have to deal with four bigots telling me how being gay is disgusting and how I need to "turn straight."

My parents have been saying that we might end up going back to Argentina. I hope that isn't the case but I don't want to go back. I love how gay California is! And all I have in Argentina is a bunch of homophobe relatives. There are gay people there but they are WAY behind on civil rights. And there's like no jobs out there either. My life would suck.... and I guess I could just stay here, but it would be sad to not have a family. I would like keep in touch with my family, even if they don't accept me for who I am. I don't know what the future holds but I hope that we will all get along somewhat at least.

Well that was depressing....

KEEP YOUR MEAT IN YOUR PANTS... I'M A VEGETARIAN

Did I eat meat today? Yes! If by "meat" you mean texturized vegetable protein. It's hard being a gay agnostic vegetarian. Well... the vegetarian thing... I kinda brought upon myself. But I don't understand why people have a problem with me not eating meat. In the course of 2 months I've had people tell me that it's pointless, that I'm malnourished, or "But... But you're Argentinean!" It's not like I go around telling people not to eat meat. I don't. Maybe I give off the impression that I avoid meat as if it was some disease, as they place it inside their mouths.... but that is not the same as yelling at people that they're going to die if they eat meat. Humans are omnivores, it is natural for a human to eat meat.

So then why am I a vegetarian? Cuz it's the gay thing to do?? Haha... the stereotype that all vegetarian guys are gay is one that I found out about fairly recently. I find it ridiculous really. I guess some people feel that REAL men eat MEAT, and STEAK, and BBQ RIBS, and fatass CHARBROILED BURGERS cuz that is MAN FOOD.  Someone needs to remind me why I should give a shit what society demands of us men, but I think it doesn't include liking dick either so I guess I'm immediately disqualified.

In Argentina there are more cows than people. And the people love to eat those cows. Which is why we don't have many vegetarians. People LOVE their steak. It's almost a sin for an Argentinean man to not eat meat. As a young child in Argentina, meat was all I ate... and candy.... and chocolate... which is why I constantly had to go to the dentist. Sure, we had pasta and potatoes, etc. but I hated vegetables.

Ten years later I find myself in America... eating mostly vegetables. I swear, America changes people!! But ANYWAY... My best friend revealed to me that she had wanted to be a vegetarian all her life. At that time I had done some research on the benefits of eating organic foods and was trying to convince my family to go organic (which only worked for like a couple weeks cuz everything organic is so DAMN expensive!). I told her I was gonna become a vegetarian. I even remember my first vegetarian meal! We were at the mall and we both ordered the vegetarian plate at this Mediterranean cuisine place. So I told her I was gonna be a vegetarian for a month. Just for fun. And I did it. Not a single bit of meat for a month.

When I began I knew it was only gonna be temporary. I had scheduled my EAT MEAT AGAIN DAY on my Blackberry and everything! And I don't know what about it made me continue. I did notice a big improvement in my health! I used to get the worst chest pain and now I don't! PRAISE VEG-ESUS! And I lost like 5 pounds at first but now my weight loss stopped, which is good cuz I am PAPER THIN. Lol, not really... don't worry people!

So the last day came and by then I just knew that I wanted to continue. Partly because it's a healthy lifestyle, partly so my friend has a fellow vegetarian buddy, and also because it's also good for the environment and non-human animals, among other things. There were a lot of influences. My Environmental Geology class showed me just how much damage humans do to the environment, and Archaeology showed me the importance of recognizing that humans were once just like any other animal, but evolved over millions of years into the monstruous wonderful beings we are today. By being a vegetarian I am standing up against global warming, and also showing my support for animal rights. Idk why but they say vegetarianism helps combat depression too.... and you know me! *nervous laugh*
So basically it's like killing 10 birds with one stone.... even though that is a HORRIBLE analogy.

I would like to thank everyone who reads this mad man's blog!

NEXT POST: Uhh... idk.... but probably something GAY. Oh I KNOW y'all's excited!!!

Save The Whales!

Whales and dolphins are amazing creatures, as evidenced by the following videos:

Bet you didn't know beluga whales could blow bubbles! IT'S ADORABLE!!
I was like "Bubblebeam!!" when I saw it... Pokemon reference btw.




Now here is a truly amazing video about a dolphin's intelligence.



It saddens me to know that these incredible creatures are killed everyday. Several whale species are endangered, like the blue whale. This chart shows the catastrophic decline in population of blue whales... before and after whaling.

I find the statistics appalling. And I hate how the whalers always give the excuse that it's for "research." Yeah, right... It's commercial whaling in disguise... There are non-lethal methods to do research. And how do they explain whale meat being sold in markets? Yes, I'm talking about Japan.
It's sad how all their political parties support whaling. And I'm not gonna attack Japanese people because I know many of them do not support whaling, but the Japanese government has a history of being stubborn when it comes to international affairs.

This image shows tens of dead dolphins killed in a drive hunt. Drive hunting is a method in which dolphins are driven to the bay which is then surrounded by boats and nets, leaving the dolphins trapped.

Dolphins are hunted for food. Now I don't know why someone would want to eat a dolphin when their meat is so damn high in mercury. It pains me to see that the same creatures that appear in the videos above are just used as food. I don't understand why people get grossed by the idea of eating dogs (which actually occurs in some parts of Asia) and don't care for dolphins and whales, which are way smarter and more BEAUTIFUL. haha... well the latter is a matter of opinion.

I hate how people love to group up cetaceans with fish. Whales, dolphins, and porpoises are mammals. Just like humans are mammals. Many are endangered. Fish, on the other hand, are relatively abundant in the oceans, although even THAT is changing now.

In conclusion, humans are an insatiable parasite that will consume all other living beings until they run out of things to kill and die a swift death. Cheers to that!

LOVE YOUR DOLPHINS/WHALES CUZ THEY <3 YOU BACK!