I FUCKING SWEAR LIKE...

This visibly gay guy is fucking playing the Glee soundtrack and a male duet of Taylor Swift's "Love Story". Which, knowing Glee, might be part of the Glee soundtrack... It's damn loud. Like girl, turn that shit down! I'm all for Pride hun, but my earseses be hurting!

Oh... Okay, now she stood up all fast and ran off.

DISCRIMINATION

You'd think in a place as diverse and multicultural as Southern California, people would have learn to coexist in peace. Well let me answer that for you: No. Hell no.

I've been a victim of discrimination. Surprisingly enough, not because I'm gay or atheist, but because it just so happens that I was born in another country.

I've learned that America can be a racist, homophobic, bigoted nation. But mostly racist. As soon as I came to this country, people made fun of my accent, I was called a wetback (by fucking Hispanics of all people), and called "immigrant" as a derogatory term. And then, after years of trying to get rid of my foreign accent and adapting to American culture, this happens: I'm in college, heading out of campus with my friend to get lunch. My phone starts vibrating, it's a call from my mom. I pick up and start speaking to her in Spanish, which is the language we fucking speak goddammit, and this BLACK GUY (of all people) comes up to me, gets all up in my face and starts imitating me, pretty much speaking gibberish. How FUCKING RUDE is that? I told him "Are you trying to be funny? I seriously don't understand what ur goal is here..." Me, ever so nice. I mean, he was black. You'd think he'd know a thing or two about racism. But no, he chooses to be the same piece of shit as the people that would rather see him dead.

Race is a human invention. It's not real. Skin color, eye shape, whatever... It's all meaningless to me. I judge people based on who they are. Their actions, personalities. That's the way I want to be judged.

I swear, my mom looks adorable... People can't help but smile when they see her... That is until she begins to speak. Oh my fucking gawd... they literally make this annoyed look, like, "dammit another foreigner I have to put up with." Get the FUCK over it.

That's why the rest of the world hates America. Cuz we (or they, since some people would say I'm not American until some stupid piece of paper says I am) think we're entitled to all this shit.

Am I anti-American? No. I love this country. I love the variety of ethnicities, foods, cultures, languages, communities, beliefs, etc. I spent most of the life I can remember here. I think of this place as my home. I just think it's a pity how backwards this country is in many ways. The intolerance some people have, the IDGAF ideology many young people have, the ME-ME-ME culture. Having lived in another country kinda makes you think and compare.
Some people have this blind patriotism, "America is the best fucking country in the world, and if you don't think so then you can get the FUCK OUTTA MY COUNTRY!!" Umm no. If you really loved America, you would be caring enough to see it flaws and try to correct them. What if your kid was an asshole and you overlooked every terrible thing they did? What kind of horrible parent would you be? Similarly, Americans need to think critically about the state the nation is in. America has many flaws, and unfortunately, many people don't love her enough to recognize them.

America is and will always be a nation of immigrants. As far as I'm concerned, most of us aren't full blooded Native Americans. People like me, who came to this country in order to get a better life, are a lot like your ancestors. Imagine what they went through! If it weren't for them you wouldn't be here drinking your iced soy mocha frappucino while getting ur feet massaged by an Asian lady. Bitch.

STAPH INFECTION

I feel gross and miserable. I have a hole in my leg... filled with pus and blood and bacteria. You wouldn't want to be in my place. It's called MRSA. Here's the Wikipedia link for it. Read up if you like. Feel my pain! It's an abcess on my leg, about a centimeter in diameter, it may have grown larger by now.... The area around it is all pink and getting larger and larger. You don't know how depressing it is to see this thing spreading around my leg. But the worst part was draining it earlier today and removing a large ball of hard pus, revealing a repulsive looking dark hole in my leg. It's small but it still looks nasty. I got the antibiotics Bactrim and Mupirocin, I've been using them for a few days but I still feel that they're not doing anything. Tomorrow I'm going to a nearby hospital and hopefully get this thing taken care of.

This shit is contagious so I can't be around people and I have sanitize my hands and everything I touch. It's such a drag... Halloween night! And I get to stay home.... Blogging. Oh well... Happy Halloween to you! Sad Halloween to me...

IT GETS BETTER

You know, this is a great video in light of the 5 suicides from gay abuse. It truly does get better, it did for me. Even though I was never bullied for being gay, I was the victim of bullying when I was little, and it made my life miserable. Rather than trying to attempt suicide, however, I just shut off my emotions and began to hate the world and humanity. But I remember feeling like the lowest piece of garbage. I hated myself. And that really didn't go away until I started having friends, which wasn't until 8th grade. Really sad. But you know what? I kept going. I pushed myself to overcome my low self-esteem. I think if I had stayed in Argentina.... I may have tried to end my life. But we moved to America and it was a whole new start for me. I know a lot of these kids were in high school. When you're a teen you feel like high school is your life. You never think about what's ahead... that it's gonna end and you won't be seeing 90 percent of the people there again. I think the best thing is to get support from your family, but if they're not there for you (as in my case), then it's important to find people who can help you. I had people who supported me and had my back after coming out. It was tough. But once that which you feared would happen happens... it gets better.

Sure, my family's probably never gonna be fully supportive of me. They may never come to accept certain things about me. I'm not gonna let that get in the way of my happiness. I know there are tough things ahead for me. Being LGBT means life is often going to be difficult, but suicide is a cowardly thing to do. You don't get a second chance at life. You're lucky to be alive, not everyone has that privilege. Tough it out. I know it's gonna be hard, but they're trying to break you. Don't let them do it. Stand tall, know that you're a part of a community, and be proud of who you are.

THE TREVOR PROJECT

WORLD WIDE LOVE!!

So a new era begins now that I started school again. I wanna make this year count. Those of you brave enough to join me in this quest will be rewarded with the satisfaction of helping fellow human beings.

A few moments ago I read the posts on SixBillionSecrets and was touched by the posts people made. So many people contemplating suicide, so many broken families... It's heartbreaking. Then I went on GivesMeHope. I was amazed how just random acts of kindness can change and even save lives! Just being told she was beautiful by a kind stranger saved a girl from killing herself.

We don't realize the potential we have to save lives. To make someone's day. As someone who has gone through a lot of hardships (and still do), I know how it feels to not look forward to anything anymore. I know what that emptiness is like. And I want to help others overcome it. This is the only life I have, and this is the only life they have also. The purpose of life is to be lived! So don't act surprised if you see me go on a humanitarian quest!

As for the title of this post: It's a song by Japanese pop artist hitomi. The song has really sweet lyrics and a really nice message. :) Enjoy!

Translation WORLD! WIDE! LOVE!

I don't know what the right answer is but I want to be excited over it: exactly what is world peace anyway? Because simply following the fad doesn't save anybody, from now on world wide love will connect me to you The world you can see as you are born is surely a stage that is leading you to hope, dreams and love WORLD! WIDE! LOVE! Clap your hands and sing Because all eras have their problems WORLD! WIDE! LOVE! Step to the beat and dance The future you're beginning to make connects you to the world Papa and Mama, please stop fighting and try to remember the day of your first kiss Because we exist as a result of your love Yes, because it doesn't matter if you're always apart, your hearts remain with one another WORLD! WIDE! LOVE! I love you so even if I can't save the world, maybe I can save you WORLD! WIDE! LOVE! For just a little longer I'm chasing after my dream, spreading my wings and heading for a swaying swaying world WORLD! WIDE! LOVE! Clap your hands and sing Because all eras have their problems WORLD! WIDE! LOVE! Step to the beat and dance The future you're beginning to make connects you to the world

FAÇADES

You'd think putting on a mask everywhere you go would become second nature after years of doing it. It doesn't. All it does is begin a process of decay... Rotting on the inside. And no matter how long you keep it up for, the pain is still the same.

Being someone else is hard work. Sometimes you have to act the exact opposite of how you feel. I'm at church. Inside my mother's office. Alone. I feel miserable here. I don't belong here. And I would like nothing more than to be done with this sick little game. However, once I step out the door I'm gonna smile at everyone, say "God bless you!", called these strangers my 'brothers and sisters', and pretend that my life is wonderful.

No one here knows me. Not even my relatives that I see every week. They're just part of this twisted game. My parents ask me why I don't want to attend youth services, events, and outings, why I don't have any friends here. How could I? I'd love to tell them what I really feel and let them decide for themselves whether or not to befriend me. But that's not the case, is it now? Father... Mother... Because that would harm your precious little reputation. No son of yours could ever be an "immoral homosexual" who denies the existence of the Lord!

All I've ever known is lies. I was a lie. My religion was a lie. Now that I embraced the truth I've been taught to hide in shame or to never even consider, my eyes are wide open. I can never go back. Superstition is for the weak. Those who fear change. The foundations of the sick "morality" that these enemies of reason so fervently uphold are crumbling down. I'm gonna get some popcorn, sit on the couch... and enjoy the show.

Here's one of my personal favorite metal classics: "I Want Out" by Hammerfall (cover, originally by the band Helloween) Pay attention to the lyrics. It's exactly how I feel.

SIGNS AND WONDERS

 This what a Jesus camp looks like...


Now let's begin:

Gold dust appearing on people's palms...

Heavenly oil pouring from people's faces and hands...

Real angel feathers falling from the ceiling... Diamonds and jewels raining from the sky!

These are the signs and wonders of the Lord...

Last weekend, I attended my church's much dreaded youth camp at a Christian ranch in the middle of nowhere. I could go all day whining about this camp... but you want me to explain the statement above. Well, turns out the preacher our church invited to camp was one of those Charismatic Pentecostal preachers. Now brace yourselves.

He came to the stage, started yelling and shouting "HALLELUJAAAAAH!!!" The man was very forceful and overbearing when preaching. I could tell many found his intimidating at first. He successfully got these kids out of their comfort zone. Soon the we're all chanting and shouting with him. I've been there, done that... "oh no! I'll just go with the flow so he doesn't call me up to the front and embarrass me!" or "If I don't shout then people will think I'm less of a believer". Fuck that.

The first night... He went on talking about the 'miracles' he had witnessed and performed. He claimed that during one of his miracle crusades, by simply laying his hands on a woman's head, she immediately lost 7 dress sizes. Then he said he has witnessed a crippled person be healed by the Holy Spirit, a person RISE FROM THE DEAD, and get this... an amputee woman whose prosthetic leg became FLESH (as in a normal leg) overnight through the power of God. And there he goes speaking in tongues... Basically saying the same thing, and changing a few vowels here and there, I even noticed a small pause.... probably as he thought up more nonsense to say. "Speaking in the Spirit" he called it. Tsk tsk.

He talked about how today's youth have to 'see it to believe it'. Damn fucking right. Did I witness any of these extravagant and frankly ridiculous claims during my stay? Abso-fucking-lutely not. Instead, as "PROOF" of God's Spirit being with us that night... he claimed that God had placed glory dust in our hands. Yes... glory dust, a sort of heavenly glitter that Jesus magically sprinkles on the hands of his followers. Soon enough about 5 people went up to the front and claimed to have glory dust in their hands. Curiously, I checked my hands... Nothing. The hands of people around me. Nothing. "Who doesn't believe me?" asked the preacher. I raise my glitterless hand, along with about 5 other people. Wow. Only about 5... No one else dared question this mad man??
So I went up to the front, where he called one of the people who claimed to have this dust... She opened the palm of her hands... He checked her hand -- "Oh yes! Here it is!" The other skeptics and I inspected her hands... Wow. I saw something.... and it was no heavenly glitter... I saw about four or five tiny glittery dots that I took notice of only after close inspection. I immediately recognized this 'supernatural phenomenon'. I had seen it before... In fact I get it all the time after exercise. That's no 'god glitter', honey. Just simple fucking salt our bodies release from sweating. "That's nothing... you're probably making them think they have glitter... It's not real." said one of the skeptics. "Maybe you're right.... or maybe it's the power of God!!" answered this preacher. Wow. There's our answer right there.

There was prayer... The same 3 girls that ALWAYS cry during prayer started crying again. The service ended.

I went to sleep. I was infuriated. This man had lied to all these youth, many of whom were dumb enough, or rather brainwashed enough to believe him.

The next morning he told us how to live our lives, started whining about today's society, condemning premarital sex, masturbation, homosexuality, and saying how a family member of his "left the gay lifestyle" and how they and their former "lover" are now "saved" and "serving the Lord." By now I wanted to throw a brick at this asshole.

The day went on, we had some fun activities that helped me relax a bit at least... Everyone was looking forward to Saturday night.... The big event where we would all experience the power of the Holy Ghost. Soon enough.... we all went inside the chapel. It was time. I was angry, depressed, annoyed... yet curious at the same time. Like a good skeptic, I though... --oh fuck it, let test this bitch out!--

They moved the chairs out of the way, he began praying for people. I was a bit hesitant to go at first... I had a million times before.... and nothing had ever happened. But I thought... if this man really is a messenger of God... then I'll see what he says about me. Know that I've met this man before. He knows my brothers and I as well as my parents (who invited him of course). So after waiting for about an hour just standing there, he came up to me. I stood there with my eyes closed... he lifted my arms, then held my head... and this is what he said --
"God has a calling on your life. No like that of your brothers or your parents. He has placed a mantle upon you." Great. Well God can go fuck himself cuz even if he was real I wouldn't follow his glittery ass.
"Jesus loves you... You don't have to pretend (to be a model Christian, or something to that extent), you're not alone." Oh how nice of him. How fucking sweet. Really. And those are God's holy words of holiness for me. Apparently it's not a big deal that I like other dudes or, you know, that I DON'T EVEN FUCKING BELIEVE IN HIM. He just wants me to be his little pawn.

This is funny... he told my angry, testosterone-poisoned younger brother that he had the calling of a 'miraculous healer.' Sounds like just the thing for such a sweet and nurturing guy :-)

I looked around... Two guys were on the floor on some kind of trance state of mind. Three girls were crying a lot... The same 3 girls. And this is where it got weird.
One them was on the floor, crying and sobbing.... He came up to her and said "Sister, God wants to give you the gift of laughter in the Lord" or something like that. As soon as he finished that sentence, she began laughing. At first it was just a giggle, then it escalated into this loud laughter. He moved on to the next girl... she was also on the floor in this trance state, tears in her eyes. He prayed for her... she began laughing also. Then he moved on to the last girl, she was standing, and also crying. I believed he picked the three most emotional people, all girls of course. (I know a couple of them... and they literally cry every time they're led in prayer.) Bam, she starts laughing also. My now the first girl had returned to the giggle... The preacher came up to her and yelled "JOY! JOY! JOY!" really fast. Woohoo, she starts laughing hysterically again. I also saw a friend of mine (very Christian woman) break into tongues... She was speaking really fast and crying.

What do I make of all this? Is this proof of God's existence? Clearly, I found it strange. The girls probably felt like they had to play along and laugh out loud. Maybe this was some sort of hypnotism, and these girls are very susceptible to it. Or maybe God did it... and giant diamonds really can fall from the sky, as can angel feathers, holy oil can ooze from people's bodies (I found a picture of large bottles, these people claim are filled with god oil), plastic prostheses can transform into human flesh, people can be covered in jesus glitter, obese Christian women can pray the ass away (heaven forbid they do some exercise!!), and dead people can... yes.... come back to life.

This all reminds me of a video I saw soon after I first became a skeptic --



I hope you found this post interesting. Leave a comment below! What do you think of these preachers? Funny he mentioned Oral Roberts, "a great evangelist"... The same Oral Roberts who said God told him he was going to die if people did not donate a million dollars to his campaign...

My hope is that one day we will have abandoned these crazy beliefs... but hell... if I can find one of those "Angel feathers" I'm turning that shit in to the DNA lab... (Ends up being plastic, I bet)

Until next we meet,

Lakilester --"Bullshit free since 2008"

Good Day!

Okay! I'm back again... Today is my cousin's birthday party. We're sitting at a table and I'm just quiet here on my phone. What better time to write a blog entry!

2... is the number of homos (male ones) in my sex class. Including me. And I think I know who it is too. But whatever, they're all fugly anyway!!!

Okay, that is gonna be my last teenage rant... I'm not a teen anymore. 20 years old. Two decades behind me. Good old me! I'm glad I've gotten this far.

CAN'T WAIT!

By now may have already guessed what my favorite class this semester is. Yup... Sex Class! I am THRILLED to inform y'all (and by y'all I mean the one fucking person that reads this shit) that the results of our 'sexperiment' will arrive tomorrow! I will finally find out if I'm the only homo in class, aside from Butch Lezzie Bean Girl. The we split into groups and answers some questions based on the different categories. I'm sure it will be a delightful experience!

Ughh.... I have this silly art assignment to do, and it's so damn silly I don't feel like doing it... even though it'll be midnight soon. Also, got two exams this week. Wish me luck bitches!

SEX CLASS!!

I am soooooooo sick of my "job." Just needed to get that out there. K Thx.

Yesterday in sex class we talked about love, intimacy, and relationships. It was very enlightening! One thing I love about that class is that it's not uber-heteronormative. In other words, it's very inclusive of LGBT people :) It's really good/healthy for me to have a place where I can feel good about myself and not be condemned to hell :D What can I say? I love college. It's so different from the shit I grew up learning. I honestly enjoy being in school more than being at home... and let's not even mention church (aka. bi-weekly torture sessions).

I'm supposed to fill out this survey about my sex history, due next Monday. Fortunately, it's anonymous :) So I won't feel too bad about the fact that I've NEVER EVEN BEEN KISSED... much less TOUCHED. *tears*
It also includes things like gender identity and sexual orientation... I wouldn't be surprised if I'm the only homo in there, haha. Actually, the was this butch gay girl... and I mean BUTCH. I confused her for a guy at first, and then thought she was transgender... I FEEL SO STOOPID. But yeah, our professor will gather all the data and show the class the statistics :D

I'll tell you guys how it all went!

'Til next time,
Peace!

Lakilester.

Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland Review

Alice in Wonderland is a movie I had been looking forward to since last year. I was even planning a Haunted Tea Party around March 5th with my friends before the movie premiere. As for the book, I have it but never read it unfortunately.

There was a lot of hype for this movie. Especially since Tim Burton directed it, and I love his films. So how was the film? Well, it was good. It enjoyed it for the most part... However, I am saddened by the fact that it certainly did not live up to my expectations. Wonderland didn't really seem very 'wonderful.' More like a dark wasteland with a couple of pretty castles. And to be honest, the film felt bland and unexciting. Helena Bonham Carter was very well cast as the Red Queen and I did enjoy her performance. Johnny Depp's Mad Hatter reminded me of Willie Wonka, and thus didn't really seem that new or exciting for me. The trailer gives off the impression that the film is grand and Wonderland expansive and mysterious, but it didn't really project the same way in the film.

I give the film a 78 out of 100. That's a C+. In conclusion, the film is fun at times, I liked the fantasy and recognizable Tim Burton elements, as well as having some colorful characters. This however, doesn't save the film from lack of excitement, blandness, and not living up to it's potential.

Peace!

ALICE IN WONDERLAND & RUPAUL'S DRAG RACE 2

So I'm gonna watch Alice in Wonderland with some dear friends of mine today. I was reading the reviews online and they were mixed. Some said it fell short of expectations, others that it was a great film. Then I see the comments of people on Facebook: good, amazing, lame.

Tonight we shall find out!

In other news: RuPaul's Drag Race 2 is fucking addictive as hell!! As of now I'm rooting for Tatiana. She's the most convincing I think, even though she can be a little bitch sometimes ( Like when she was being fierce with Jujubee - "Are you trying to be fierce with me, Ms. Tati?" LOL)
I also love Raven, who is supposed to be the "ice queen", cold and mysterious. Morgan annoys the shit out of me, aside from the fact that she is the scariest looking one. Also, Mystique is so negative at times... I don't blame her cuz she's the only plus sized girl in there. But still. Tyra annoys me too.

Ahem, anyway.... Stay tuned for my Alice in Wonderland review!!

Love,

Lakilester

TAKING A BREAK

How were your GAZILLION days without me? Unbearable of course! I chose to take a pretty long break from the blog in order to focus more on getting ready for school, etc. I started school, which may affect the blog positively or negatively... only time will tell. I'm just gonna give a small recap of my week so far. Monday began with Visual Arts class. Our professor is this TINY LITTLE WOMAN... And she is in her 20's so it felt like being taught about art by a fellow student. Once you see her teaching you can tell she is a SCIWATTOHG! "strong, confident, independent woman at the top of her game". Sorry, that's just one of my phrases. Brilliant isn't it?

Anyhow, I was searching the web today and I came........  across this WONDERFUL device called the Courier by Microsoft, which has now basically BRUTALLY KILLED the iPad.


http://www.engadget.com/2010/03/05/microsofts-courier-digital-journal-exclusive-pictures-and-de/


Imagine how DELIGHTFUL my blogs would look on that thing!! I'm sorry, I love Apple as much as the next guy, but this is GLORIOUS.

Instead of ranting about how I'm completely broke and will NEVER be able to afford this, I will end my blog right here. Catch ya later!

BAD PARENTING

What the FUCK is up with these parents putting leashes on their children!!! I am shocked honestly. What kind of parent would do something like that? If you think children are a burden then don't fucking have them!! What's so hard about holding your child in your arm? It's called LOVE and AFFECTION. Children aren't pets. It seems to me parents don't wanna deal with the responsibility of caring for a child. I wouldn't be surprised if they force NyQuil down the kids throats when they don't wanna go to bed. Pretty FUCKING sad. Whatever happened to effective parenting?! Any respectable expert will tell you this is a TERRIBLE thing to do to one's own children. Not to mention DRAGGING YOUR FUCKING KID ON A LEASH AT THE VERIZON STORE!!! And yes, the bitch was arrested.



Shit, I know I won't leash my future black babies (Marquis and LaMontell <3). I will spend quality time with them everyday, teach them about their African roots, and encourage them to pursue their dreams so they won't end up being gangsters and crack whores. My babies will be the next Oprah Winfrey and Barack Obama!

I understand some people hate/strongly dislike children. They're loud, whiny, they cry, and they need constant attention. And that's why people who hate kids should just get dogs. Children are a huge responsibility... they practically become your life, and I know this from long conversations about parenting with my mother, and helping babysit my hyperactive cousins when they were younger. My mom raised three boys without any fucking leashes, and people always told her they were amazed at how well behaved we were. Teaching kids how to behave is a process, and it's hard. It requires time, patience, and love... which these sad excuses for parents don't really have. So like I always say: If you can't take the heat, get the fuck out. Period.

Notice this pic says "People of Walmart" on the lower right corner. My next post will be on how fucking ghetto Walmart is.

FREE THE LEASHED KIDS!



Peace!

WHY BLOG?

I apologize to all who find the pic to the left offensive, but I found it to be hilarious at the time :p

I'm starting to worry that my posts are making the few people that frequent this blog feel depressed. As you may have already guessed, I am a person that often overanalyzes himself. I try to figure out why I do certain things, prefer certain things over other others, and react to certain things the way I do. In pondering the purpose of this blog, several potential answers came to mind. It may have been that perhaps I wanted a place where I could voice my opinion, or perhaps a way to gain a sense of importance or popularity (though this blog is far from popular it may have certainly been my intention for it to be). Maybe it's just a fun little hobby of mine, maybe it makes me feel productive! Well rest assured me mates, I know the answer now.

As evidenced by the large majority of my posts, this blog has a basic purpose. Frankly, one that I did not realize when I first began, but I deeply comprehend now. It is, for the most part anyway, a way for me to let out my frustrations and emotional garbage that I have to deal with on a daily basis. I may come off as bratty, close-minded, cold, and often melancholic and pessimistic, but these are feelings that are difficult to contain. I guess I could write a journal or diary, as I did when younger, rather than make a public blog about my misfortunes.  Maybe the public aspect of it is just me hoping someone with come across this blog and offer his or her insight. I'd like to ask of my readers to approach the more emotions-oriented posts I make with maturity and understanding, as I am a mere human being after all...

Sincerely,

Lakilester

PS: I'll try to make more positive/comical posts after this, I promise!

ATHEIST DRAMA

Check http://toothpastefordinner.com/ for more of these!

So today I had a much dreaded argument at the dinner table with the other 4 members of my family about... oh yes... religion. It was pretty much them attacking me, quoting the Bible, trying to prove their arguments without logic. At least my older brother tries to state his case... My little bitch younger brother, who is by far the most conservative and closeminded in the family, just resorted to insults and attacks, saying that all atheists are immoral and suicidal. So I basically had to leave after a while because the whole thing wasn't going anywhere. My mom finished by saying "I'll be praying for you!" Which is one of the most annoying things you can say to an atheist. I don't need prayer thank you very much. It's hard to get shit like this from the people closest to you. They don't want to coexist. They want to have their way, always. Every single day I grow closer to reaching the morbid conclusion that this family of mine won't be in my life for very long. It puts a lot of unnecessary stress in my life. I really do love them. It's heartbreaking feeling left out and condemned by your own family. I have to be extra tough around them so I don't break. It's sad. There's nothing I want more than for all of us to be happy and united.... but I'm not gonna live a lie or change for anyone. I'm not gonna pretend everything is fine when it isn't. My doors will always be open for them if they decide to put our differences aside and be a family again. I talked to a bisexual guy on Yahoo the other day. He went through a similar situation and now lives with his partner. He told me that he just doesn't bring up his sexuality when he's with his family, and he's fine with that. He is a Christian, which I respect since he didn't preach at me :) However, he still visits a therapist regularly to help him deal with these family issues.

It's comforting to know that thanks to my family I'll probably need a fucking therapist for the rest of my life.

Little Golden Spider

 Yesterday saw I a little golden spider on my way to the bank with my mother dearest. So I was sitting my brother's leather jacket on my lap and all of a sudden I saw this little tiny golden spider running around the surface. It shone brightly in the sun, and I felt an impulse to take a picture of it with my shitty camera phone.

I tried to capture it but it jumped on me (it was the jumping kind) and then back on to the jacket, which i just threw on the back seat. Then I stopped the little rascal running around on the seat. My mother freaked when I told her there was a spider inside the car. She spotted it and viciously murdered the poor thing. And there I was all happy that I had found a little golder spider. There might be more inside the car, who knows. Time will tell my friends!

This made me lol

ANY IDEAS?

So I wanna have different little sections on this blog. I need ideas! They might be weekly or monthly. What do you guys recommend/advise? These are my ideas so far:

- Current event commentary (news, pop culture, people, politics, etc.)
- Opinions (on ideologies, society, enigmas, etc.)
- Advice (sorta like life-coaching ;p)
- Stories (about my life, or maybe even fiction!)
- Reviews (movies, music, games, etc.)

FEELIN' PRODUCTIVE

I want a hobby. Aside from blogging, that is. OMG I just realized that makes me sound interesting! "Hi! I blog!" Ahem.... anyway, I am interested in archery. Blame the influence of the fantasy genre on my easily influenced mind! Even since I was little Ihave  found the bows and arrow kewl. I made my own bow from scratch when I was 12 or 13 and it broke. But I was able to shoot the arrows I made... and it felt great!
I remember another instance when I was at a park and it was some-kid-from-church-I-didn't-even-talk-to's birthday party. I was bored as    f    u    c    k    so I started looking around for bow-shaped tree branches. I found one, picked up one of those kebab (or kabob, or however the FUCK you spell it) sticks, pointed towards a balloon, and shot the "arrow". POP is the sound a balloon makes when it... err.... pops. And let me tell you mate, I heard that glorious sound!

After that, my next contact with a bow was at the Renaissance Faire at the tender age of 17. That's when I held a real-ass fucking bow. I did surprising good for my first time! SO I found this club or organization called Pasadena Roving Archers and they have archery classes every Saturday at 7:30 am. I intend on getting my fairy ass there sometime soon. Oh yes!

That's all for now my loves! May the fierce be with you!

Lakilester

SINGLE FOR LIFE!

I've gone thru 3 popular gay online dating/social networking sites, and concluded that ppl on there either just want sex or don't even use the damn site. So I just won't even bother with online dating anymore. I've just had terrible experiences. The only guy I started talking to ended up being the biggest asshole ever. And he was Asian, and thanks to him I don't wanna meet any more Asians ever. He was THAT bad. So I say screw it. I haven't met a single guy in college either and I've wanted to go to the LGBT club they have but my schedule never allows it. I have to base it on my older brother's schedule so we can all ride together, basically.

When I see gay couples I get a bit jealous. It's gonna be hard for me to find someone. But I gotta keep looking for love like everyone else I guess!

NEW WORD

Fagnostic.

I think I broke a rib...

I've been experiencing discomfort around my ribs. On my right side. Maybe I broke a rib. It's been like that ever since the Big Bear incident. But wouldn't I be in extreme pain? So maybe my muscles in that area were damaged. I should go to the doctor and get checked but, like most men, I am a stubborn fool who thinks it's nothing and doesn't mind dealing with a bit of discomfort for long periods of time. I haven't been to the doctor in about 5 years. Maybe 6. I think I should. But that pain is now only a small fraction of what it once was. I would call it just an annoying discomfort, not really pain.

Yesterday I hung out with my girls. One of them is biologically male but I still call him one of my girls. It was really fun. I have really good friends. I love them all very dearly. I was also really happy when my friend Samantha saw the gift I got her. It was a shirt from Harry Potter Puppet Pals featuring Severus Snape! And she loved it. I also got her a little purple candle cuz her favorite color is purple. I love the vegetarian cookbook she got me so I thought I'd get her something special too.

Today a girl at church told me and a couple of friends that she hated vegetarians and then my cousin told her I was one. I explained to her that not all vegetarians are elitist assholes who go around condemning ppl and thinking they're the shit (even though I am the shit). She told me I was the coolest vegetarian ever!

So that's life! I just felt like blogging at church since I really have nothing better to do in this place.

My dad said in sermon today that a lot of his family members wanted nothing to do with God, but God dealt with them and now they are devoted Christians. Pretty sad if you ask me. Maybe I'll end up like that too, who knows. But God better fuckin' do something miraculous if he or she is out there.

That's all for today, my loves!

Tah tah! Or however you fucking spell that fucking shit. Fuck.

THE CLOSET/LOVE LIFE STORIES

Cuz I know y'all is DYING to know about my non-existent love life!

For starters I've never had a boyfriend. Or girlfriend for that matter since I didn't come out to myself until I was 17. I guess that's what stopped me from being in a relationship. I've known I liked boys since I was like 7 or 8. But I never really gave it much thought. I kinda wondered why I never did. About a week ago I started playing Final Fantasy III DS again. And then it just clicked. Distractions. It seems to me that people in denial tend to distract themselves from that which they don't have the balls to accept. In my case, I always told everyone that I was focused in school and didn't have time for a relationship, and pretty much just played video games to distract myself. Thinking back it would have been cool having a bf back in high school, but still I am proud of where I am today. I guess I just had a few crushes, but otherwise high school life was pretty dull love-wise.

Okay... here's a story. And this was back in middle school when I was really shy and lonely. There was this guy in my science class back in 8th grade. He was new to the school and he sat across from me. So anyway, I was getting weird vibes from him, not to mention my gaydar was terrible back then. And I suppose he was being a little too friendly with me but I always ignored him. I admit I found him somewhat appealing, hehe. But anyway, it didn't go anywhere. Then one day at the P.E. locker room (lol... it's not what your thinking) I was leaving and walked in front of him and then he told me out of nowhere that he 'still felt a passion for me' or something to that extent. I was just like "Huh?" And walked away. The end. Kinda sad right? I saw him at college last semester, which brought this memory back.

Back when I was 12 I attended this one church somewhere in California for a couple months. So one day a tall older girl told me that her friend had a crush on me. I was like "Damn it...". And sure indeed, she points towards this hideous-looking obese girl. Her friend was like "You should go talk to her!" Haha... no thanks! Long story short, I spent the rest of that night running away from her cuz she was fucking stalking me.  Like she was literally running after me.... my younger brother tried to threaten her so she would leave me alone. Luckily she backed off... and no drama after that. I ran into her 3 years later believe it or not, when her church attended some event at my old church. And she immediately recognized me... it sent chills down my spine. So what did I do?! I HID, of course!

That sums up two funny little instances in which someone fancied me but I didn't fancy them back.

EVERYTHING'S JUST WONDERFUL!

So yesterday morning my father came back to "apologize" about choosing the wrong time to have that "conversation." He apologized by pretty much just preaching at me. He really needs to learn some humility. Anyway, at least he said he wants us to be a family. Meh. It's the least I can expect from him, but it's something. So things are somewhat okay, right now. No one is really talking, my parents are going to Las Vegas and coming back on Tuesday, I believe. My brothers and I didn't go to church today.

THIS IS DEPRESSING

So I just had another one of those depressing "talks" (more like yelling contests) with my dad. We hadn't had one in almost a year. He comes inside my room. This is what ensued...
Father- "Hey I want you to be serious with me right now. Tell me the truth."
Me- "Oh god... not again..."
Father- "Is there anything going on with your friend Andrew?"
Me-  "You stay away from my friends... I'm not gonna discuss shit with you."
Father- Gives me this look.
Me- "Oh god... what? You think he's gay?"
Silence.
"Oh wow... if he is or isn't it's none of your fucking business."

Then he proceeded to utter more bullshit out of his mouth saying "I know you're struggling with ur sexuality" "You were just confused one day and then chose to adopt that way of thinking..." "I know God's gonna heal you someday" and all that BULLSHIT.

I was pissed. I looked him right in the eyes... and just cussed him out. He drove me nuts. "God loves you" he says. Wow.... the nerve. "Well, your God made me gay." He became disgusted when I said that.

I officially hate my father. Three fucking years after I came out to him and still, he hasn't changed at all. Fucking talking to me as if I was mentally ill. Saying I'm struggling with with my sexuality, WTF??!!

We're back to the same place we started. I'm just gonna have to move out. It's like his whole intent was to keep shoving his homophobic religion in my face. He doesn't want to talk. He wants me to convert to his religion, pretend to be straight for the rest of my life, and be miserable. I told him I am done with all of this shit. I'm not gonna put up with any of it. I just hate it. I never chose to be born into a homophobic Evangelical Christian family. I put up with so much shit because of them. And then he has the nerve to call me selfish... cuz I just expect my family to respect who I am.

I'm still in my room.... My brothers probably overheard everything. Ughhh... looks like the shit has hit the fan... I don't know what's gonna happen now. I'm gonna be strong and stand my ground. This is exhausting but it's what I'm gonna have to deal with for now. If anyone can offer me a place to stay for a few days that would be great. They might try to kick me out of the house again.... yeah.... AGAIN.

What's next I wonder? They're probably gonna fire me... Continue their attacks.... I'm so sick of this. Why me. I guess I'm not the only one out there. I'll be fine. I always find a way... somehow. Should I just come out on Facebook? Lol, as if it weren't obvious already...

Wish me luck guys cuz I will need it!

In harmony,

Lakilester

PURIKURA IS FUN!

I totes had a blast with my friends at a Print Club (or Purikura) studio called Cue! In Diamond Bar! Print Club studios are huge in Japan, and being the avid Japanophile that I am, I found the experience wonderful!

We went inside these machines that were all in Japanese and took FABULOUS pics in front of green screen backgrounds. Once outside we got to decorate the pics with glitter, hearts, and all that shit that us girls love! And there was really cute Japanese pop music playing that sounded like "Bee bee dee, bee dee dee POM POM! Bee bee dee, bee dee dee POM POM POM!" or "Cutie cutie, crazy love baby!". I love Engrish. Of course the two homos, AndyCandy and I, did all the decorating! The only bad thing was how fucking expensive those machines are. We spent like $10 on each machine. So if you want to go then get there loaded with cash cuz it will vanish in front ur eyes! That's all for today bitches! Love you all! Peace!

22 POSTS (counting this one)

22 posts already, bitches!! I'm rising to fame!! Cuz y'all better know that a blog becomes a BLOG when it starts gaining readers and the readers don't come unless there's a shitload of posts popping up on Google! Get ready for some MAJOR blogging!! I want like 500 my December this year. Here's a FABULOUS song by none other than the ONE AND ONLY, LOVELY MISS LILY ALLEN...

Lily Allen - Who'd Have Known ? (HQ)
Uploaded by wonderful-life1989. - See the latest featured music videos.

BIG BEAR SOUVENIR

If you've seen my Facebook then you know how I was in a pretty pathetic accident involving my face, a snow sled, and an approximately 60-70 foot high slope. Let's go back to the beginning of this story, I went to Big Bear with my beloved family and some family friends. We had not planned on staying, but the hour grew late and we decided we would stay. However, us idiots were not able to find a lodge since it was New Year's Day. So one of our family friends told us she knew a guy who lived in a nearby U.S. Marine recreation facility. So long story short... we ended up staying there. Some of us were pissed, and we basically slept on the floor in the guy's room. I couldn't sleep. It was literally freezing in there, and the floor hurts when ur paper thin like me. OMG and I don't know who it was but someone just kept farting over and over again... Damn! It sucked.

The next day we were gonna go to some fun snow recreation place but the Marine guy said the facility had hills that people could slide on, and that it was basically the same thing so why spend money. Umm... no. So we got our sleds and I ended up getting the shittiest one. It was fun at first. Then I saw Fernando sliding down this huge ass slope and I was like "I am NOT about to let this little bitch get away with that." I'm like that sometimes. I was thinking if he can do it, so can I. Thing is, he had this wonderful sled which allowed him to lay down on his belly, giving him more control of where he was going. I, on the other hand, had this stupid ass one that I had to lie on my back on, face up... not knowing where the fuck it was taking me. So I got brave and went to the very top of the hill... I don't know WHAT I was thinking. I get on the sled and it immediately shoots me down the hill at a frighteningly fast speed. I'm sliding down trying to see where it's taking me cuz I had no control of it. Then I see this ramp made up of hard snow and my sled flips horizontally so the side hits the ramp and I just fly off. I don't really know what happened after that but I hit my head on the thick ice about 3 or 4 times, hit my ribs, my thigh, and my knee... then the left side of my face just slid against the ice, cutting mostly my chin and my left earlobe. It hurt like a mother, but I survived so YAY!

So they were gonna call 911 but then I told them I was okay. And then this other Marine guy came and I swear to god he had the cutest baby face ever!! I was like WTF is he doing in the military! So he and my dad walked me back the to the lodge, and the guy put bandages on my face. It was MAGICAL <3

My parents want to go back there as a family so that I won't be stuck with a bad memory of the place... Fuck no, that night I was having nightmares about sliding down and DYING...

UGHH...