ATHEIST DRAMA

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So today I had a much dreaded argument at the dinner table with the other 4 members of my family about... oh yes... religion. It was pretty much them attacking me, quoting the Bible, trying to prove their arguments without logic. At least my older brother tries to state his case... My little bitch younger brother, who is by far the most conservative and closeminded in the family, just resorted to insults and attacks, saying that all atheists are immoral and suicidal. So I basically had to leave after a while because the whole thing wasn't going anywhere. My mom finished by saying "I'll be praying for you!" Which is one of the most annoying things you can say to an atheist. I don't need prayer thank you very much. It's hard to get shit like this from the people closest to you. They don't want to coexist. They want to have their way, always. Every single day I grow closer to reaching the morbid conclusion that this family of mine won't be in my life for very long. It puts a lot of unnecessary stress in my life. I really do love them. It's heartbreaking feeling left out and condemned by your own family. I have to be extra tough around them so I don't break. It's sad. There's nothing I want more than for all of us to be happy and united.... but I'm not gonna live a lie or change for anyone. I'm not gonna pretend everything is fine when it isn't. My doors will always be open for them if they decide to put our differences aside and be a family again. I talked to a bisexual guy on Yahoo the other day. He went through a similar situation and now lives with his partner. He told me that he just doesn't bring up his sexuality when he's with his family, and he's fine with that. He is a Christian, which I respect since he didn't preach at me :) However, he still visits a therapist regularly to help him deal with these family issues.

It's comforting to know that thanks to my family I'll probably need a fucking therapist for the rest of my life.

Little Golden Spider

 Yesterday saw I a little golden spider on my way to the bank with my mother dearest. So I was sitting my brother's leather jacket on my lap and all of a sudden I saw this little tiny golden spider running around the surface. It shone brightly in the sun, and I felt an impulse to take a picture of it with my shitty camera phone.

I tried to capture it but it jumped on me (it was the jumping kind) and then back on to the jacket, which i just threw on the back seat. Then I stopped the little rascal running around on the seat. My mother freaked when I told her there was a spider inside the car. She spotted it and viciously murdered the poor thing. And there I was all happy that I had found a little golder spider. There might be more inside the car, who knows. Time will tell my friends!

This made me lol

ANY IDEAS?

So I wanna have different little sections on this blog. I need ideas! They might be weekly or monthly. What do you guys recommend/advise? These are my ideas so far:

- Current event commentary (news, pop culture, people, politics, etc.)
- Opinions (on ideologies, society, enigmas, etc.)
- Advice (sorta like life-coaching ;p)
- Stories (about my life, or maybe even fiction!)
- Reviews (movies, music, games, etc.)

FEELIN' PRODUCTIVE

I want a hobby. Aside from blogging, that is. OMG I just realized that makes me sound interesting! "Hi! I blog!" Ahem.... anyway, I am interested in archery. Blame the influence of the fantasy genre on my easily influenced mind! Even since I was little Ihave  found the bows and arrow kewl. I made my own bow from scratch when I was 12 or 13 and it broke. But I was able to shoot the arrows I made... and it felt great!
I remember another instance when I was at a park and it was some-kid-from-church-I-didn't-even-talk-to's birthday party. I was bored as    f    u    c    k    so I started looking around for bow-shaped tree branches. I found one, picked up one of those kebab (or kabob, or however the FUCK you spell it) sticks, pointed towards a balloon, and shot the "arrow". POP is the sound a balloon makes when it... err.... pops. And let me tell you mate, I heard that glorious sound!

After that, my next contact with a bow was at the Renaissance Faire at the tender age of 17. That's when I held a real-ass fucking bow. I did surprising good for my first time! SO I found this club or organization called Pasadena Roving Archers and they have archery classes every Saturday at 7:30 am. I intend on getting my fairy ass there sometime soon. Oh yes!

That's all for now my loves! May the fierce be with you!

Lakilester

SINGLE FOR LIFE!

I've gone thru 3 popular gay online dating/social networking sites, and concluded that ppl on there either just want sex or don't even use the damn site. So I just won't even bother with online dating anymore. I've just had terrible experiences. The only guy I started talking to ended up being the biggest asshole ever. And he was Asian, and thanks to him I don't wanna meet any more Asians ever. He was THAT bad. So I say screw it. I haven't met a single guy in college either and I've wanted to go to the LGBT club they have but my schedule never allows it. I have to base it on my older brother's schedule so we can all ride together, basically.

When I see gay couples I get a bit jealous. It's gonna be hard for me to find someone. But I gotta keep looking for love like everyone else I guess!

NEW WORD

Fagnostic.

I think I broke a rib...

I've been experiencing discomfort around my ribs. On my right side. Maybe I broke a rib. It's been like that ever since the Big Bear incident. But wouldn't I be in extreme pain? So maybe my muscles in that area were damaged. I should go to the doctor and get checked but, like most men, I am a stubborn fool who thinks it's nothing and doesn't mind dealing with a bit of discomfort for long periods of time. I haven't been to the doctor in about 5 years. Maybe 6. I think I should. But that pain is now only a small fraction of what it once was. I would call it just an annoying discomfort, not really pain.

Yesterday I hung out with my girls. One of them is biologically male but I still call him one of my girls. It was really fun. I have really good friends. I love them all very dearly. I was also really happy when my friend Samantha saw the gift I got her. It was a shirt from Harry Potter Puppet Pals featuring Severus Snape! And she loved it. I also got her a little purple candle cuz her favorite color is purple. I love the vegetarian cookbook she got me so I thought I'd get her something special too.

Today a girl at church told me and a couple of friends that she hated vegetarians and then my cousin told her I was one. I explained to her that not all vegetarians are elitist assholes who go around condemning ppl and thinking they're the shit (even though I am the shit). She told me I was the coolest vegetarian ever!

So that's life! I just felt like blogging at church since I really have nothing better to do in this place.

My dad said in sermon today that a lot of his family members wanted nothing to do with God, but God dealt with them and now they are devoted Christians. Pretty sad if you ask me. Maybe I'll end up like that too, who knows. But God better fuckin' do something miraculous if he or she is out there.

That's all for today, my loves!

Tah tah! Or however you fucking spell that fucking shit. Fuck.

THE CLOSET/LOVE LIFE STORIES

Cuz I know y'all is DYING to know about my non-existent love life!

For starters I've never had a boyfriend. Or girlfriend for that matter since I didn't come out to myself until I was 17. I guess that's what stopped me from being in a relationship. I've known I liked boys since I was like 7 or 8. But I never really gave it much thought. I kinda wondered why I never did. About a week ago I started playing Final Fantasy III DS again. And then it just clicked. Distractions. It seems to me that people in denial tend to distract themselves from that which they don't have the balls to accept. In my case, I always told everyone that I was focused in school and didn't have time for a relationship, and pretty much just played video games to distract myself. Thinking back it would have been cool having a bf back in high school, but still I am proud of where I am today. I guess I just had a few crushes, but otherwise high school life was pretty dull love-wise.

Okay... here's a story. And this was back in middle school when I was really shy and lonely. There was this guy in my science class back in 8th grade. He was new to the school and he sat across from me. So anyway, I was getting weird vibes from him, not to mention my gaydar was terrible back then. And I suppose he was being a little too friendly with me but I always ignored him. I admit I found him somewhat appealing, hehe. But anyway, it didn't go anywhere. Then one day at the P.E. locker room (lol... it's not what your thinking) I was leaving and walked in front of him and then he told me out of nowhere that he 'still felt a passion for me' or something to that extent. I was just like "Huh?" And walked away. The end. Kinda sad right? I saw him at college last semester, which brought this memory back.

Back when I was 12 I attended this one church somewhere in California for a couple months. So one day a tall older girl told me that her friend had a crush on me. I was like "Damn it...". And sure indeed, she points towards this hideous-looking obese girl. Her friend was like "You should go talk to her!" Haha... no thanks! Long story short, I spent the rest of that night running away from her cuz she was fucking stalking me.  Like she was literally running after me.... my younger brother tried to threaten her so she would leave me alone. Luckily she backed off... and no drama after that. I ran into her 3 years later believe it or not, when her church attended some event at my old church. And she immediately recognized me... it sent chills down my spine. So what did I do?! I HID, of course!

That sums up two funny little instances in which someone fancied me but I didn't fancy them back.

EVERYTHING'S JUST WONDERFUL!

So yesterday morning my father came back to "apologize" about choosing the wrong time to have that "conversation." He apologized by pretty much just preaching at me. He really needs to learn some humility. Anyway, at least he said he wants us to be a family. Meh. It's the least I can expect from him, but it's something. So things are somewhat okay, right now. No one is really talking, my parents are going to Las Vegas and coming back on Tuesday, I believe. My brothers and I didn't go to church today.

THIS IS DEPRESSING

So I just had another one of those depressing "talks" (more like yelling contests) with my dad. We hadn't had one in almost a year. He comes inside my room. This is what ensued...
Father- "Hey I want you to be serious with me right now. Tell me the truth."
Me- "Oh god... not again..."
Father- "Is there anything going on with your friend Andrew?"
Me-  "You stay away from my friends... I'm not gonna discuss shit with you."
Father- Gives me this look.
Me- "Oh god... what? You think he's gay?"
Silence.
"Oh wow... if he is or isn't it's none of your fucking business."

Then he proceeded to utter more bullshit out of his mouth saying "I know you're struggling with ur sexuality" "You were just confused one day and then chose to adopt that way of thinking..." "I know God's gonna heal you someday" and all that BULLSHIT.

I was pissed. I looked him right in the eyes... and just cussed him out. He drove me nuts. "God loves you" he says. Wow.... the nerve. "Well, your God made me gay." He became disgusted when I said that.

I officially hate my father. Three fucking years after I came out to him and still, he hasn't changed at all. Fucking talking to me as if I was mentally ill. Saying I'm struggling with with my sexuality, WTF??!!

We're back to the same place we started. I'm just gonna have to move out. It's like his whole intent was to keep shoving his homophobic religion in my face. He doesn't want to talk. He wants me to convert to his religion, pretend to be straight for the rest of my life, and be miserable. I told him I am done with all of this shit. I'm not gonna put up with any of it. I just hate it. I never chose to be born into a homophobic Evangelical Christian family. I put up with so much shit because of them. And then he has the nerve to call me selfish... cuz I just expect my family to respect who I am.

I'm still in my room.... My brothers probably overheard everything. Ughhh... looks like the shit has hit the fan... I don't know what's gonna happen now. I'm gonna be strong and stand my ground. This is exhausting but it's what I'm gonna have to deal with for now. If anyone can offer me a place to stay for a few days that would be great. They might try to kick me out of the house again.... yeah.... AGAIN.

What's next I wonder? They're probably gonna fire me... Continue their attacks.... I'm so sick of this. Why me. I guess I'm not the only one out there. I'll be fine. I always find a way... somehow. Should I just come out on Facebook? Lol, as if it weren't obvious already...

Wish me luck guys cuz I will need it!

In harmony,

Lakilester

PURIKURA IS FUN!

I totes had a blast with my friends at a Print Club (or Purikura) studio called Cue! In Diamond Bar! Print Club studios are huge in Japan, and being the avid Japanophile that I am, I found the experience wonderful!

We went inside these machines that were all in Japanese and took FABULOUS pics in front of green screen backgrounds. Once outside we got to decorate the pics with glitter, hearts, and all that shit that us girls love! And there was really cute Japanese pop music playing that sounded like "Bee bee dee, bee dee dee POM POM! Bee bee dee, bee dee dee POM POM POM!" or "Cutie cutie, crazy love baby!". I love Engrish. Of course the two homos, AndyCandy and I, did all the decorating! The only bad thing was how fucking expensive those machines are. We spent like $10 on each machine. So if you want to go then get there loaded with cash cuz it will vanish in front ur eyes! That's all for today bitches! Love you all! Peace!

22 POSTS (counting this one)

22 posts already, bitches!! I'm rising to fame!! Cuz y'all better know that a blog becomes a BLOG when it starts gaining readers and the readers don't come unless there's a shitload of posts popping up on Google! Get ready for some MAJOR blogging!! I want like 500 my December this year. Here's a FABULOUS song by none other than the ONE AND ONLY, LOVELY MISS LILY ALLEN...

Lily Allen - Who'd Have Known ? (HQ)
Uploaded by wonderful-life1989. - See the latest featured music videos.

BIG BEAR SOUVENIR

If you've seen my Facebook then you know how I was in a pretty pathetic accident involving my face, a snow sled, and an approximately 60-70 foot high slope. Let's go back to the beginning of this story, I went to Big Bear with my beloved family and some family friends. We had not planned on staying, but the hour grew late and we decided we would stay. However, us idiots were not able to find a lodge since it was New Year's Day. So one of our family friends told us she knew a guy who lived in a nearby U.S. Marine recreation facility. So long story short... we ended up staying there. Some of us were pissed, and we basically slept on the floor in the guy's room. I couldn't sleep. It was literally freezing in there, and the floor hurts when ur paper thin like me. OMG and I don't know who it was but someone just kept farting over and over again... Damn! It sucked.

The next day we were gonna go to some fun snow recreation place but the Marine guy said the facility had hills that people could slide on, and that it was basically the same thing so why spend money. Umm... no. So we got our sleds and I ended up getting the shittiest one. It was fun at first. Then I saw Fernando sliding down this huge ass slope and I was like "I am NOT about to let this little bitch get away with that." I'm like that sometimes. I was thinking if he can do it, so can I. Thing is, he had this wonderful sled which allowed him to lay down on his belly, giving him more control of where he was going. I, on the other hand, had this stupid ass one that I had to lie on my back on, face up... not knowing where the fuck it was taking me. So I got brave and went to the very top of the hill... I don't know WHAT I was thinking. I get on the sled and it immediately shoots me down the hill at a frighteningly fast speed. I'm sliding down trying to see where it's taking me cuz I had no control of it. Then I see this ramp made up of hard snow and my sled flips horizontally so the side hits the ramp and I just fly off. I don't really know what happened after that but I hit my head on the thick ice about 3 or 4 times, hit my ribs, my thigh, and my knee... then the left side of my face just slid against the ice, cutting mostly my chin and my left earlobe. It hurt like a mother, but I survived so YAY!

So they were gonna call 911 but then I told them I was okay. And then this other Marine guy came and I swear to god he had the cutest baby face ever!! I was like WTF is he doing in the military! So he and my dad walked me back the to the lodge, and the guy put bandages on my face. It was MAGICAL <3

My parents want to go back there as a family so that I won't be stuck with a bad memory of the place... Fuck no, that night I was having nightmares about sliding down and DYING...

UGHH...