LOVE - LIFE - STYLE

The end of the year is approaching, and what better way to end it than with some cute blog post on 2009 and all it entailed in the life of your favorite fairy!

I'm not too fond of New Year resolutions because frankly, I never stick to plan :\ But I did achieve something that I've wanted to do for a long time: Learned Japanese! :D

After taking Japanese 3 I feel somewhat secure that I won't die in the streets of Japan when I go with my fellow blogger Ky Kebero in a couple years hopefully. Yes, I can effectively beg for food in Japanese now! <3

The one problem that arose in our plans was the vegetarian deal-eeoh.... Japan practically has no vegetarians except for some Buddhist monks and Seventh Day Adventists. More importantly, however, Japanese culture finds refusing to eat meals that are offered to you very rude. So we concluded that we will take a break from our beloved vegetarian diets and eat whatever the Japanese offer us. Which I assume will be mostly fish, meat-wise. I think I will be vegan for 2 weeks to make up for it. I might have a problem eating the fish if it's just offered to me as whole fish. Like with the the head and eyes... ughh. Wish me luck when the day comes!

I would say the greatest achievement I have had this year is a lot of personal growth. It all began when I took my Life Management class back in February. It allowed me to think critically about my future and the person I want to become. I see myself today, and I am happy with who I have become. I'm still good old me, but a lot wiser I'd say. A lot of people helped me along the way, and I am thankful to them for that.

I will cherish a lot of memories I made this year. One that comes to mind is the first time I went to a PFLAG meeting. It was pretty much my first exposure to other gay people, and it was definitely a neat experience!

And how could I forget a bunch of my friends coming out to me! Like fabulous Andy! I told the story of how we both came out to each other on Yahoo Answers and it got voted as Best Answer cuz that's how cute it was!

Being bitten by a black widow and seeing my fabulous arm contracting involuntary was amazing! Coming back home pale as a zombie was a thrill! I wish everyone could experience it! I <3 Black Widows!

Becoming a vegetarian with Ky (formerly Simien Fox) was ever-so-life-changing! My family going organic and "flexitarian" was a very positive change also :)

And of course this year I started my blog!

I wish you all a happy 2010!!!

CLUBBING F'N SUX!

Clubbing is just another of Satan's tools to corrupt God's children and make them stray away from His Truth and Perfect Plan!

Need I say more?

Didn't think so.

My prude conservative Jesus-loving mind cannot register the fun in dry humping while shitfaced.

However, if by clubbing you mean being part of a club which, let's say, gets together to play Magic: The Gathering, then I'm all for it!

So hold your boners, America! And instead enrich and nourish your brain with the best clubbing alternative there is:

Magic: The FUCKING Gathering!!!

You think your boner iz hard, BITCH?!

Try pulling out a fucking combo defeating your multicolor aggro deck opponent in 3 turns! Now that shit is HARD!!

You bet your bleached ass this fairy is staying home, sitting in fucking dining room, having my mom bring me cookies (that's right mothafuckas!!!) and busting your ass old school!

You want a REAL throwdown, BITCH?! Then whip out ur cards instead of ur cock!!

TO BE CONTINUED

CHRISTMAS TIME!

Oh I KNOW y'all's excited! This has always my favorite time of the year :) I love the lights, the music, the joy all around!! No, this is not some morbid and sarcastic post like 99% of my posts. Haha. I would like to take the opportunity to wish my 3 readers a Merry Christmas! And of course happy holidays to all the non-Christmas celebrating folks!

This year I was appointed with the honorable responsibility of getting gifts for my family. I already got that little bitch (aka my younger brother) a present. Then I spent $20 buying Magic: The Gathering cards. I believe this places me under the geek category! I'm also planning to buy my friends gifts! I am just oozing with generosity this year. I already got my fellow blogger Simien Fox some delightful vegan vitamins!

Here's a fun question! What does Christmas mean to you?

Answer below!

Next blog entry: CLUBBING!!!

SORRY

I haven't been able to update my blog for a while :( This is due to the enormous amount of work I have to do before classes end next week. So look forward to several new entries a week from now. By the way, I got new blue Converse! So I'm happy. My dad also gave me these really nice Italian-style dress shoes as a gift. I'm quite happy. I feel as though he'd like to be closer to me... And it gives me hope.

I talked to someone I met recently about my life and it's difficulties. He said that I should just get out and live on my own... Do whatever I wanna do as long as it makes me happy. But I couldn't disagree more. I do not live for myself only, but for the happiness of all my loved ones, and the well-being of humankind. Every decision I make, I try to make it with them in mind. So to say that I should just leave and ruin my relationship with my family and friends over selfish desires is just plain silly. It is only after great tribulation that true happiness can be appreciated. As I mentioned in a previous post, living on my own does nothing for me in the end. I will stick around. I will strive to change minds and enlighten others.

My family is not my enemy. They are the people I love the most. They may be confused, close-minded, intolerant of certain aspects of my being... but they are still my family and the only one I have. Even though they are less than perfect, I love them all very dearly and that will never change.

"Happiness" is different things to different people. My happiness lies in balance. Balance is what I search for in life. My family is part of that balance. I hugged my dad today, and for a few seconds I felt that link between father and son. I do not need his understanding, comfort, or support.... I just want him to be there.

In conclusion, I want to feel sadness, I want to suffer, I want to be out of my comfort zone... because that is where true strength lies.

SHUT UP ALREADY!!!

UGHHH!!!! Somebody make my older brother shut up already! He is talking about how society is corrupt, how religion will die, how the end times are coming.... BLAH BLAH BLAH. It makes me sick to my stomach... How the fuck a person be so damn obsessed with something as stupid as religion. He barely even follows Christianity. He is just another one of those hypocrites he rants about. UGHH... I swear this is one of the few things in life that I absolutely cannot stand. Whenever I bring up Christianity's flaws my brothers get pissed and either judge me or yell at me to be quiet. Fucking idiots. It's like I live in a mad house. I swear that's how I feel. They are insane. I will pray to their Jesus to make them shut the fuck up already.... DAMN.

Who'd Have Known...

I found my old diary last week while I was remodeling my room!!! Wow, was I deep in the closet back then! It was fun reading my entries. I think I'm funny... I know it sounds cocky but I think I am HILARIOUS sometimes ;P  I might post some of the entries just cuz they're funny. Actually, I might scan the pages. Cuz there's drawings in there too! I love how I never even mention girls at all. I bet people knew about me back then. They were just too shy to ask I guess. By the way, the red book in this picture is none other than the Red Book of Westmarch, from Lord of the Rings. It's where Bilbo wrote "There and Back Again"! Sorry... it's my inner fanboy acting up.

Here! Listen to this delighful song by none other than lovely Miss Lily Allen!

Lily Allen - 22 (Official Music Video)
Uploaded by Lily-Allen-Tv. - Watch more music videos, in HD!

WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS...

Down some vodka!

I've noticed that I whine a lot on this blog. Most of the entries are about how society sucks, my family sucks, life sucks... blah blah blah.
I've come to the realization that this blog is a kind of record of my life. It is the gift I will pass on to my future black babies (Marqueese and LaMontell <3)!! And all I'm doing is writing about the bad aspects. I don't want to be remembered as a depressing, unhappy person. That is not who I am. I believe it is time for me to move on. It's time for to stop dwelling on my problems, our unjust society, and my sexuality. Although it is a strong aspect of who I am, being gay does not define me as a person. I am not "a gay." I feel that society forces this label on us gay men... along with all the stereotypes and other garbage. I don't want to focus on how I am different from others. I want to write about the things that make me happy. I want to cheer someone up from time to time. The will be a time to protest and expose the evils of our society, but there's is also a time for laughter and leisure. That will be my gift to you: A window to the very depths of my soul...

Look forward to some feel good entries from now on!

In harmony,

Lakilester :)

P.S.: As for the title and the comment that follows, in no way do I promote alcohol abuse of any kind. I, myself, do not drink.

TIRED OF IT ALL [insert emo rant here]

So I haven't made any new posts for a week or so... Sorry about that.

The thing is... I'm tired. I'm just tired of this monotonous life. Sick of the routine. No.... actually, it's deeper than that. I've been doing a lot of thinking on where I am in life right now. I've just realized that all the shit I deal with is stopping me from looking forward to my future. I've tried to build this strong independent attitude in order to protect myself from what's to come, and it really isn't working. I don't know what to do anymore.


Let's break it down like this: Ever since I was little, I've had this idea of what my future was going to be like. I wanted to fall in love, get married, have/adopt kids, and have the support and love of my family and friends throughout my life. Obviously that's not likely to happen. I realized that I've just distanced myself from my family and relatives, and everything that is Christian around me. I don't know if that's the right step to take but I can't help it. I've told myself time and again that all I need is me, myself, and I. That as long as I am firm in who I am everything will be okay. And it's helped a lot... I am more confident, strong, and brave than ever before, but I feel like it's not enough. I love my friends to death, they are like a treasure for me :) Even so, none of them can heal the wounds I still have.  I just want someone to come and tell me that they love me no matter what and that everything will be alright. I've never heard that from my parents. I haven't heard it from their God either. I don't want to believe in a God that judges people and sends them to Hell for eternity. I want a God that loves me and accepts me for who I am, and there is no God like that. I used to truly believe in God. It's sad but I will never be a Christian again. Christianity is what killed my relationship with my family and made me despise myself for years. I hate it. I just hate organized religion in general. It's pointless. No one knows if there's a God or not, and if there is... it's surely not some hateful god like the one Christians worship.

So I don't keep in contact with any of my relatives in Argentina. I avoid talking to most people at church. I don't even feel like I belong in my family anymore. It's sad. Today I had a dream in which I was living alone. And it felt real. I felt that deep solitude which I am no stranger to. And I've looked forward to being on my own for so long, but it's not really anything to look forward to.

I hate loneliness. When I was little in that hell-hole called Argentina loneliness was all I knew. I had no friends and had no self-esteem (neither did my brothers and they're just as fucked up as I am). I always felt like my parents were weak and couldn't do anything to help me. I often had dreams that they were gonna die. Sometimes, that feeling of loneliness comes back to haunt me. Like when I went on my geology field trip and I didn't know anyone.

Haha ANYWAY....

I know my life will be hard. I just wish I could find some source of motivation... something to look forward to. Something that will drive me to do my best.

Damn, I need a psychologist...



see more Lolcats and funny pictures

HAPPY NATIONAL COMING OUT DAY!

Today is National Coming Out Day! Who have you come out to today?

As for me, I haven't come out to anyone in a while. The last person I came out to was a good friend of mine who is bisexual. I would have come out on Facebook if I didn't have church friends in there. So I guess I'm only out to my terrible parents and most of my friends. My two brothers.... well I can't say they don't suspect that I'm gay but they just never brought it up. But my dad told me that my older brother had asked him if I was asexual. WTF. Oh yeah, cuz there's SOOO many asexuals out there! Or maybe I'm pansexual! Like, come on! As if it wasn't obvious! I don't plan on coming out to them until I'm well on my own. I don't want to have to deal with four bigots telling me how being gay is disgusting and how I need to "turn straight."

My parents have been saying that we might end up going back to Argentina. I hope that isn't the case but I don't want to go back. I love how gay California is! And all I have in Argentina is a bunch of homophobe relatives. There are gay people there but they are WAY behind on civil rights. And there's like no jobs out there either. My life would suck.... and I guess I could just stay here, but it would be sad to not have a family. I would like keep in touch with my family, even if they don't accept me for who I am. I don't know what the future holds but I hope that we will all get along somewhat at least.

Well that was depressing....

KEEP YOUR MEAT IN YOUR PANTS... I'M A VEGETARIAN

Did I eat meat today? Yes! If by "meat" you mean texturized vegetable protein. It's hard being a gay agnostic vegetarian. Well... the vegetarian thing... I kinda brought upon myself. But I don't understand why people have a problem with me not eating meat. In the course of 2 months I've had people tell me that it's pointless, that I'm malnourished, or "But... But you're Argentinean!" It's not like I go around telling people not to eat meat. I don't. Maybe I give off the impression that I avoid meat as if it was some disease, as they place it inside their mouths.... but that is not the same as yelling at people that they're going to die if they eat meat. Humans are omnivores, it is natural for a human to eat meat.

So then why am I a vegetarian? Cuz it's the gay thing to do?? Haha... the stereotype that all vegetarian guys are gay is one that I found out about fairly recently. I find it ridiculous really. I guess some people feel that REAL men eat MEAT, and STEAK, and BBQ RIBS, and fatass CHARBROILED BURGERS cuz that is MAN FOOD.  Someone needs to remind me why I should give a shit what society demands of us men, but I think it doesn't include liking dick either so I guess I'm immediately disqualified.

In Argentina there are more cows than people. And the people love to eat those cows. Which is why we don't have many vegetarians. People LOVE their steak. It's almost a sin for an Argentinean man to not eat meat. As a young child in Argentina, meat was all I ate... and candy.... and chocolate... which is why I constantly had to go to the dentist. Sure, we had pasta and potatoes, etc. but I hated vegetables.

Ten years later I find myself in America... eating mostly vegetables. I swear, America changes people!! But ANYWAY... My best friend revealed to me that she had wanted to be a vegetarian all her life. At that time I had done some research on the benefits of eating organic foods and was trying to convince my family to go organic (which only worked for like a couple weeks cuz everything organic is so DAMN expensive!). I told her I was gonna become a vegetarian. I even remember my first vegetarian meal! We were at the mall and we both ordered the vegetarian plate at this Mediterranean cuisine place. So I told her I was gonna be a vegetarian for a month. Just for fun. And I did it. Not a single bit of meat for a month.

When I began I knew it was only gonna be temporary. I had scheduled my EAT MEAT AGAIN DAY on my Blackberry and everything! And I don't know what about it made me continue. I did notice a big improvement in my health! I used to get the worst chest pain and now I don't! PRAISE VEG-ESUS! And I lost like 5 pounds at first but now my weight loss stopped, which is good cuz I am PAPER THIN. Lol, not really... don't worry people!

So the last day came and by then I just knew that I wanted to continue. Partly because it's a healthy lifestyle, partly so my friend has a fellow vegetarian buddy, and also because it's also good for the environment and non-human animals, among other things. There were a lot of influences. My Environmental Geology class showed me just how much damage humans do to the environment, and Archaeology showed me the importance of recognizing that humans were once just like any other animal, but evolved over millions of years into the monstruous wonderful beings we are today. By being a vegetarian I am standing up against global warming, and also showing my support for animal rights. Idk why but they say vegetarianism helps combat depression too.... and you know me! *nervous laugh*
So basically it's like killing 10 birds with one stone.... even though that is a HORRIBLE analogy.

I would like to thank everyone who reads this mad man's blog!

NEXT POST: Uhh... idk.... but probably something GAY. Oh I KNOW y'all's excited!!!

Save The Whales!

Whales and dolphins are amazing creatures, as evidenced by the following videos:

Bet you didn't know beluga whales could blow bubbles! IT'S ADORABLE!!
I was like "Bubblebeam!!" when I saw it... Pokemon reference btw.




Now here is a truly amazing video about a dolphin's intelligence.



It saddens me to know that these incredible creatures are killed everyday. Several whale species are endangered, like the blue whale. This chart shows the catastrophic decline in population of blue whales... before and after whaling.

I find the statistics appalling. And I hate how the whalers always give the excuse that it's for "research." Yeah, right... It's commercial whaling in disguise... There are non-lethal methods to do research. And how do they explain whale meat being sold in markets? Yes, I'm talking about Japan.
It's sad how all their political parties support whaling. And I'm not gonna attack Japanese people because I know many of them do not support whaling, but the Japanese government has a history of being stubborn when it comes to international affairs.

This image shows tens of dead dolphins killed in a drive hunt. Drive hunting is a method in which dolphins are driven to the bay which is then surrounded by boats and nets, leaving the dolphins trapped.

Dolphins are hunted for food. Now I don't know why someone would want to eat a dolphin when their meat is so damn high in mercury. It pains me to see that the same creatures that appear in the videos above are just used as food. I don't understand why people get grossed by the idea of eating dogs (which actually occurs in some parts of Asia) and don't care for dolphins and whales, which are way smarter and more BEAUTIFUL. haha... well the latter is a matter of opinion.

I hate how people love to group up cetaceans with fish. Whales, dolphins, and porpoises are mammals. Just like humans are mammals. Many are endangered. Fish, on the other hand, are relatively abundant in the oceans, although even THAT is changing now.

In conclusion, humans are an insatiable parasite that will consume all other living beings until they run out of things to kill and die a swift death. Cheers to that!

LOVE YOUR DOLPHINS/WHALES CUZ THEY <3 YOU BACK!

GROSS!

So I have my Yahoo account that I barely use. Turns out I've been logged in on Yahoo Messenger on my phone for days... and it's silly cuz I have no contacts. And suddenly some random person contacts me! I'm like how the hell did they find me?!!

So I find out he's a 35 year old man who apparently was in one of the Yahoo groups that I'm in.  Of course I'm incredibly cautious about these things so I started to ask him questions. He seemed pretty nice so I'm thinking maybe he wants to make friends or something. That is until he said he wanted to cam. As in camera. I'm thinking: Oh god he better not be one of those perverts. And what do you know? He reveals that he enjoys showing people his privates and seeing their reactions. At this time I almost throw up on my phone.

I don't mean to judge the pitiful human beings who engage in these lustful, carnal activities... lol.... but I just find it disgusting. Why can't people just seek healthy relationships instead of whoring themselves around?

I'm sorry but I do not want to see your penis, old man! *BLOCK*

Oh, the things I get myself into...

Next post: Save the Whales!

RAINBOW FISH

Just reminding you guys that at the bottom of the page are my rainbow fish. They are all homosexuals, which is why you'll never see more than 5 fish in there. Go ahead and feed their gay asses! DOO IT!

PARENTS

Sometimes I wish I had two daddies. So today my friend was talking to me about an argument he had with his father. It brought back a lot of memories (sad ones) about me and my folks. We've had pretty horrible fights that were... emotionally damaging and just plain exhausting. Which I why I've given up on arguing with them. As long as I depend on them, I will never be taken seriously. If I challenge their authority they just take things away as if I were a damn child! And it doesn't help that I work for my parents. 19 years old, and I couldn't be more ready to just live on my own.

I think the lowest of lows was when when I came home wearing guyliner and they freaked out. They immediately went inside my room, locked the door, and stood appalled before me. I have never felt so worthless and belittled in my life. They were like "So what's next? Lipstick?" What the hell?! Then they brought up the fact that they got a letter from the Human Rights Campaign, a gay rights organization, sent to my name. I was like FUCK! haha (it was a thank you letter cuz I donated money, lol) But the sad part is... I stood up for myself. Perhaps if I hadn't things would have gone differently. But I couldn't do it. I knew they were wrong. Then they said "We don't want anything gay inside this house! In this house we will work for the glory of God..." and all that BULLSHIT. So I replied, in tears, "If you don't want anything gay in this house, then I guess I'm leaving." Apparently my mother reacted and felt a little bad about what they said, but then my dear loving father said "Alright, pack your stuff and get out!" WHAT THE FUCK.... What kind of parent does that to their kid. Instead of loving me unconditionally like "Jesus" would... he tells me to leave the house because I happen to be gay... which is something I never chose and can't change. I told them that day... that I would never forgive them for that. And there isn't a day that I don't think about it. I just left the room... my mom told me that my dad didn't mean it, blah blah blah.

It's like they stopped being my family. Nothing feels the same anymore. Everytime I hug my mother I just feel empty inside. And I can't even talk to my dad for more than 5 minutes without thinking back to that day. It's stupid how they always said being gay is destructive and will ruin me when they're the ones fucking up my life. So if your parents are loving and accepting of you... be thankful! And I don't wanna make it seem like I have the worst life in the world, I don't, but like everyone else I have a daily load of shit to put with up :)

It's not very comforting to know that I have a higher chance of dying from suicide, AIDS, or a hate crime. Religious conservatives love to preach about God's mercy and love... but this goes to show that they are just pathetic, ignorant, hateful people. We're the ones who pay the price... kicked out of our homes, ridiculed, called slurs, denied our rights, and even beaten to death in the streets. Wake up America!

Alright I'm done...
Cheers queers.

Irish Film Festival - American Cinematheque

Yesterday I went to the Irish Film Festival in Santa Monica. If you remember my first post, I mentioned purchasing a movie ticket. I bought a ticket for the movie "Cherrybomb", starring Rupert Grint (known for his role as Ron Weasley in the Harry Potter films). I actually had no idea it was an Irish Film Festival until my friend told me, and it was an awesome experience! "Cherrybomb" was brilliant! The film is fun, refreshing, it's amazing how real the performances feel. They definitely picked great actors!

The best part was getting to see the directors after the movie. They discussed the film and answered questions from the audience! I now have a new-found appreciation for international cinema. :)

Right after "Cherrybomb" there was a film called "Identities", but it was getting late so we didn't watch it. AND OMFG... who do we run into as we leave the theater?! None other than Alexis Arquette herself!! It's funny how my friend and I just looked at each other and were like "Alexis Arquette!" at the same time. I love spotting celebrities. Apparently she was gonna go watch the movie "Identities," a film about transgender people in Ireland.... which makes me wish I had stayed :p.

Hilarity ensued as we went to a pizzeria and my sister friend got hit on badly by this older guy!

ANYWAY... I would like to give my thanks to my dear friend for inviting me to this event! Here's the official trailer for the movie:


And do visit the American Cinematheque website, I think it's a wondeful organization that is non-profit and viewer supported! I encourage everyone to check them out!


http://www.americancinematheque.com/

The Girl and The Robot

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPqnxFgCrhg

I couldn't embed the video but listen to this song. I think it's awesome :)

THE STORY

It's amazing how much respect I've lost for that man.... my father that is. I pretty much lost all hope in having a stable father-son relationship. And believe me, I did try! But he's so damn conceited... He refuses to listen to me and constantly shoves his religion in my face. That's what I deal with on a daily basis. And I try to be nice, kind, and avoid conflict, but look where it got me. I know one of these days I'm gonna have to confront my parents for the last time. And if someone will end up hurt, it'll probably be me.

It all began on January 2nd, 2008. It was the day that changed my life forever.

That night I had the deepest conversation I've ever had with my cousin. We've always been very close. Of course we've had our ups and downs, but who doesn't? She revealed to me a lot of her secrets; really sad things about what she went and still goes through. And looking back, I don't know if I regret it or not... but I did the unimaginable. I revealed to my cousin that I was... gay.

I guess I felt bad that she had told me all of her secrets and I was hiding mine. She was... maybe not upset... but definitely shocked. She told me that maybe it was a phase or maybe I could turn straight. :\ At least she was cool about it somewhat.

The next night my mother broke out in tears.

TO BE CONTINUED...

OUCH...

Ugghh... So yesterday while I was sleeping I was bitten by a spider. I'm fine now, luckily, but today at work I got really nauseous and felt like throwing up. Apparently that's one of the symptoms of spider venom.... from a black widow... HAHAHA. Just my luck! Of course my mother blamed my vegetarianism for the incident.

HAHAHAHA.... I LIKE IT!

If I had a nickel for every time I've tried to start a new blog I'd have 15 cents. So this is my third try, and as they say... third time's the charm!

I don't know how often I'll be able to update this, since it's supposed to be a SECRET! Of course someone like me is used to keeping secrets. In the next entry I'll talk a bit more about myself. Right now I just felt like typing something down. It's 12:05 AM. *yawn* I'm drinking orange and spice tea. Today I made 3 online purchases. I bought a shirt, a movie ticket, and paid Nintendo to repair my Wii. Well, actually I convinced my mother to pay for the last one, haha. If you're wondering about the title of this post, it's what I said after seeing the preview of this blog with the bubble picture included. And the "face" you see here is the famous "Henohenomoheji". It's made out of Japanese characters and used as a teaching tool for Japanese children. I just think it's fun-looking :) It's pretty late and this wasn't most exciting of blog entries, I'm sure... but it'll get better! I promise!

Talk to you soon!

- Lakilester