Sometimes I wish I had two daddies. So today my friend was talking to me about an argument he had with his father. It brought back a lot of memories (sad ones) about me and my folks. We've had pretty horrible fights that were... emotionally damaging and just plain exhausting. Which I why I've given up on arguing with them. As long as I depend on them, I will never be taken seriously. If I challenge their authority they just take things away as if I were a damn child! And it doesn't help that I work for my parents. 19 years old, and I couldn't be more ready to just live on my own.
I think the lowest of lows was when when I came home wearing guyliner and they freaked out. They immediately went inside my room, locked the door, and stood appalled before me. I have never felt so worthless and belittled in my life. They were like "So what's next? Lipstick?" What the hell?! Then they brought up the fact that they got a letter from the Human Rights Campaign, a gay rights organization, sent to my name. I was like FUCK! haha (it was a thank you letter cuz I donated money, lol) But the sad part is... I stood up for myself. Perhaps if I hadn't things would have gone differently. But I couldn't do it. I knew they were wrong. Then they said "We don't want anything gay inside this house! In this house we will work for the glory of God..." and all that BULLSHIT. So I replied, in tears, "If you don't want anything gay in this house, then I guess I'm leaving." Apparently my mother reacted and felt a little bad about what they said, but then my dear loving father said "Alright, pack your stuff and get out!" WHAT THE FUCK.... What kind of parent does that to their kid. Instead of loving me unconditionally like "Jesus" would... he tells me to leave the house because I happen to be gay... which is something I never chose and can't change. I told them that day... that I would never forgive them for that. And there isn't a day that I don't think about it. I just left the room... my mom told me that my dad didn't mean it, blah blah blah.
It's like they stopped being my family. Nothing feels the same anymore. Everytime I hug my mother I just feel empty inside. And I can't even talk to my dad for more than 5 minutes without thinking back to that day. It's stupid how they always said being gay is destructive and will ruin me when they're the ones fucking up my life. So if your parents are loving and accepting of you... be thankful! And I don't wanna make it seem like I have the worst life in the world, I don't, but like everyone else I have a daily load of shit to put with up :)
It's not very comforting to know that I have a higher chance of dying from suicide, AIDS, or a hate crime. Religious conservatives love to preach about God's mercy and love... but this goes to show that they are just pathetic, ignorant, hateful people. We're the ones who pay the price... kicked out of our homes, ridiculed, called slurs, denied our rights, and even beaten to death in the streets. Wake up America!
Alright I'm done...
Cheers queers.
If I had a gay child I would beat the little faggot until he was straight.
ReplyDeleteYou asshole, you don't know how it's like growing up gay, its hard enough being in the closet but like for him to come out and stand up for the shit he gets, that is courageous!
ReplyDelete