SORRY

I haven't been able to update my blog for a while :( This is due to the enormous amount of work I have to do before classes end next week. So look forward to several new entries a week from now. By the way, I got new blue Converse! So I'm happy. My dad also gave me these really nice Italian-style dress shoes as a gift. I'm quite happy. I feel as though he'd like to be closer to me... And it gives me hope.

I talked to someone I met recently about my life and it's difficulties. He said that I should just get out and live on my own... Do whatever I wanna do as long as it makes me happy. But I couldn't disagree more. I do not live for myself only, but for the happiness of all my loved ones, and the well-being of humankind. Every decision I make, I try to make it with them in mind. So to say that I should just leave and ruin my relationship with my family and friends over selfish desires is just plain silly. It is only after great tribulation that true happiness can be appreciated. As I mentioned in a previous post, living on my own does nothing for me in the end. I will stick around. I will strive to change minds and enlighten others.

My family is not my enemy. They are the people I love the most. They may be confused, close-minded, intolerant of certain aspects of my being... but they are still my family and the only one I have. Even though they are less than perfect, I love them all very dearly and that will never change.

"Happiness" is different things to different people. My happiness lies in balance. Balance is what I search for in life. My family is part of that balance. I hugged my dad today, and for a few seconds I felt that link between father and son. I do not need his understanding, comfort, or support.... I just want him to be there.

In conclusion, I want to feel sadness, I want to suffer, I want to be out of my comfort zone... because that is where true strength lies.